Welcome to the Letters and Speeches!

YEHUDIS ע"ה

Oakland, California
Purim 1986

Yehudis and her mother, Chana were visiting us from Lakewood.

Since it was Purim, I wanted to dress up Yehudis as the prettiest queen Esther.

I fixed up one of my dresses to fit her, made a crown for her beautiful hair and added lots of beads around her neck.

She was a happy, beautiful four year old queen Esther.

On Purim night, we went for Megillah laining to a Shul in Berkeley.

It was lively and noisy with lots of greggers and other noise makers to stamp out the name of the wicked, wicked Haman.

The laining went along as expected UNTIL…

We saw a full sized BLACK GORILLA stomping around the Shul.

That was not the usual Purim costume!

Yehudis freaked out!

She dove under her mother's skirt, terribly frightened and would not be consoled.

It took a long while to convince Yehudis that this was really just a (STUPID) man in his Purim costume.

We left the Shul, much to Yehudis's relief and also mine.

On Purim day, we were joined by friends for a lovely Seudah WITHOUT COSTUMES.

Reb Aaron Leib Shteinman once remarked to someone, that everyone must go through gehenom, even if he's on the way to gan-eden. This axiom is all inclusive, he even included himself. He hesitated a moment and then made a disclaimer "maybe Reb Chaim not.” I would like to add "maybe Yehudis not.” She certainly had her gehenom on this world. She was purified to go straight to gan-eden.

"Boruch gozer u'mekayem," Hashem decrees difficulties, but simultaneously imbues us with the strength to endure these difficulties. He creates circumstances and brings about with courage to face these difficulties head on. נָעַר הַיִיתִי וְגַם זַקָנְתִי וְלֹא רָאִיתִי.

A manifestation of "boruch gozer u'mekayem" as powerful and crystal clear was Yehudis. The decree on her was devastating. But He was also "mekayem". The favorable conditions Hashem created for her were unprecedented. A mother who raised her with love and devotion through trials and tribulations. A husband who was sent to her straight from Gan Eden. When Yoily & Yehudis first got engaged, eyebrows were raised. The shidduch made little sense on so many levels. But Hashem who is the מזווג זיווגים, knew exactly what He was doing. The love & devotion that they had for each other was exemplary. They served as a source of inspiration for other couples.

Hashem gave her siblings, half siblings, and step siblings who couldn't do enough for her. They enveloped her with love & devotion to a degree rarely seen. The last words that Yehudis said to me was "your children are amazing!" She had amazing friends who hugged her & wouldn't let go. But it was Yehudis who made everybody around her amazing. Her's was a neshomo that created goodness all around her. Yehudis, like I said, you are heading straight to תחת כנפי השכינה, no detours, no stopovers. Be a mailitz yoisher for your mother to have the fortitude to bear this unbearable pain. For Yoily, he should be able to pull his life together. For the bereaved family התנערי מעפר קומי צאי מתוך ההפכה.

Family and friends of Yehudis are gathered here tonight to commemorate her shloshim, and to further the aliya of her neshomo, as we just did with the siyum 6 sidrei mishna. In keeping with the limits set by rosh chodesh, there will be only 3 speakers, not maspidim but speakers.

The Ramban on this week's parsha states the following; everyone has to know his place everyone should accept who he is, for only then can he or she achieve the peace of mind and tranquility necessary for avodas Hashem. There is a fascinating gemoro (taanis 23) that I believe can be explained with this Ramban.

The gemoro tells us that Rav Manni went to his Rebbe, Rav Yitzchak ben Elishav, to complain that his father in law, because of his wealth, thought that he can tell him what to do. He asked Rav Yitzchak to make his father in law poor. And so he did. He became poor. Soon after, Rav Manni returned to his Rebbe and told him that poverty has made his father in law bitter, and that he's taking it out on him. Rav Yitzchak quickly made his father in law rich again.

A short time later Rav Manni made another request of his rebbe. He complained that his wife was homely and he wanted her to be pretty. His wish was granted and his wife became pretty. Soon he came back to Rav Manni to complain that his pretty wife is now haughty. So the rebbe made her homely once again.

Another one of Rav Yitzchak's talmidim witnessed these two magical incidents and explained to him that he was having difficulty in learning. He wanted the rebbe to make him brighter, more intelligent. Rav Yitzchak refused, imploring that he had bothered G-d enough, and he did not want to continue to toy with nature.

Two obvious questions beg to be asked: Why had the Rebbe not taken the middle road? Make the father in law not too rich and not too poor. And the wife, not too pretty and not too homely? In addition, why would the rebbe refuse the third request? It seems to be the most legitimate. After all, the talmid wants to learn better.

It appears that one answer can address both questions. Rav Yitzchak wanted to teach his students that Hashem creates each person with a specific set of attributes and characteristics. Changing them does not make a person happy. One is meant to make the best with what Hashem has given him. One should know who he is and work to do the best within those confines and abilities.

Yehudis personified this ramban. She accepted her lot, never asked “why me?” She truly believed that this was Hashem's plan for her, and it's up to her to make the best of it. And that she did! She rode the waves of pain & agony to new spiritual heights, ever closer to Hashem.

אלה תולדות,,, מלמד שמעשיהם של צדיקים הם תולדותיהם

In the strictest sense of the word “toldos” means offspring. But chazal tell us that the concept can be broadened to include good deeds. When a person leaves this world, the sum total of their life can in a sense be defined by what they leave behind, be it children, be it good deeds.

Yehudis left behind an impressive legacy - a beautiful tapestry of tehilim, kabolos and good deeds initiated on her behalf. She took a fragmented family, siblings, half siblings, and step siblings and brought them together in love and harmony - I dare say in an unprecedented way. She did the same with friends and acquaintances from all walks of life.

We can eternalize these accomplishments by carrying on. By taking those inspirational moments of a “better me”, and turning them into a reality, we can perpetuate her short sojourn on this world.

We are taking this determination one step further, by establishing a fund to build a mikva in her memory. Taharas hamishpocho was a cause that was close to her heart. She raised funds for the mikva in her neighborhood. We are working with a professional organization that builds and refurbishes mikvas all over Israel, where needed most. In this unique manner we can synthesize the 2 concepts of “tolodos”: good deeds and offspring. These are deeds that will lead to offspring conceived in purity. This will truly constitute אלה תולדות יהודית עד ביאת צדק.

INTRODUCING R' POLLACK - Yoily and Yehudis's marriage was a spiritual journey of growth. R”P was instrumental in shepherding them through this journey. With his keen understanding of where they were coming from and where their destination was, his words of wisdom and chizuk were priceless.

INTRODUCING HILLEL - In introducing our next speaker, I can't seem to find the proper title or affiliation, or suffix. Brother, medical adviser, employer, surrogate father, host, life coach. I could go on and on. But there's only one way to say it: “hillel & shoshana”. For those in the know, that says it all! There's no one more fitting to say words of appreciation. Hillel......

Your life on earth
Was a journey
With many twists and turns
Until your 40's

You survived single life
You fought cancer
With all the strength you owned
As we watched in pride
More than you'll ever know

You made friends
From every walk of life
You brought family together
Kept the spark alive

You had a golden heart, a fire
That pulled us all to you
You were always a party
With fun and good food

Oh Yehudis
Our Yehudis
We miss you!
We miss your smile, your laugh
all we loved in you.

Our hearts are hurting
While you're soaring
Up on high
In a place that only you
know the reason why

Our memories will remain
In our hearts
We will carry on your legacy
We'll do our part

To stay positive and strong
Just like you
'Cuz a yid never breaks
We learned from you

We will learn how
to sing and dance again
Just like your favorite song
Tov L'hodos LaHashem

We miss you,
We love you,
Our beloved friend
We'll miss you
Until the day
This galus ends!

Very soon we will
Know the reason why
Very soon there will be no more
Reason to cry

And on that day
We'll meet again
We'll all be pain free
May it come
This year, 5783

Oh Yehudis
Our Yehudis
We miss you!
We miss your smile, your laugh
all we loved in you.

We believe
Yes we believe
Yes we all know
Achakeh Lo
B'Chal Yom Sheyavo!

Oh Yehudis
Oh Yehudis, I can see you!
I see your smile
I hear your laugh
All we missed in you

Our hearts are healing
While you're returning
To us down below
Moshiach's voice we hear
Sheyavo Sheyavo!